What is a "Myth"?

A "Myth" a commonly held belief, idea or explanation that is not true. Myths arise from people's need to make sense of acts that are senseless, violent or disturbing. They attempt to explain horrible events, like abuse and rape, in ways that fit with our preconceived ideas about the world - they arise from and reinforce our prejudices and stereotypes. Myths have powerful "Implications" for how we look at the world. In this pamphlet, we present some common myths about battery and abuse, list their implications, and then provide the facts.

Implications:

• denies community responsibility for a social issue
• silences and isolates abused women

Facts:

• the domestic domain is not a sanctity: it is often the site of neglect, abuse, rape and incest
• a crime is a crime whether it is committed publicly on the street or privately in the home
• the oppression that creates abuse of women is everyone's concern

Implications:

• denies the seriousness and deadliness of battery
• minimises abused women's feelings and experiences

Facts:

• research shows that over half of women who are murdered are killed by their partners
• at least one woman is killed every six days by her partner in South Africa
• women who survive battery are often hospitalised with broken bones, burns and other severe injuries

Implications:

• disregards social and economic realities
• denies the complexity of the problem
• prevents women from obtaining support or assistance
• ignores women's experiences and feelings

Facts:

• women are often forced to stay in violent relationships for many reasons, including:

• limited options and resources, including child care, safe housing, and money
• fear that the abuser will kill them -- most women who are murdered by their partners are killed when they leave or shortly after
• concern about losing their homes, of impending poverty and isolation
• fear of losing custody of their children
• duty, religious beliefs or family pressure
• love and hope that the abuser will change
• isolation from family, friends and co-workers; a feeling that no one can help

Implications:

• removes blame from the abuser
• obscures the real issue
• provides an excuse for abuse

Facts:

• many men who ARE NOT stressed or abusing substances DO abuse women
• many men who ARE stressed and/or abuse substances DO NOT abuse women
• stress, substance abuse and battery are all separate issues and should be understood as such

Implications:

• removes blame and responsibility from the abuser
• attempts to generate sympathy for the abuser
• assumes the abuser can't heal from a bad childhood or assume adult responsibility

Facts:

• most abusers grow up in abusive households, but NOT ALL abused boys grow up to be abusers
• men who DID NOT grow up in violent homes sometimes become abusers
• adult men CHOOSE to abuse as a way of dealing with their pain or problems and must be held accountable for that choice

Implications:

• blames and stigmatises abused women
• 'psycholigises' and obscures the problem
• provides an excuse for abuse
• silences and isolates abused women

Facts:

• women choose partners who claim to love them
• 'crazy' behaviour is often a result of the abuse, not the cause
• many abused women feel depressed, angry, or suicidal; they may numb the physical and emotional pain through drugs or alcohol; this does not make them insane and they recover after leaving the abusive relationship

Implications:

• assumes that a family requires a male head
• denies the capability of single mothers
• keeps women and children in an unhealthy environment

Facts:

• growing up in a household where there is abuse is often harmful to children -- some of the emotional effects include:

• thinking the abuse is their fault
• constant anxiety
• feeling guilty for not stopping the abuse
• fear of abandonment
• stress related disorders
• language, speech and hearing problems
• difficulty concentrating or learning problems

• older children may be injured while trying to protect their mothers
• children from violent homes run a higher risk of substance abuse and juvenile delinquency
• seeing battery teaches children that gender violence is acceptable--girls from violent homes are more likely to be abused as adults; boys often become abusers themselves

(Source: Padayachee, Anshu and Navi Pillay. Violence Against Women: A Guide to Your Rights. Durban: Advice Desk for Abused Women, University of Durban-Westville. 1993.)

Implications:

• makes violence in working class communities seem "normal"
• reinforces racial and class prejudices
• isolates and silences other women

Facts:

• women abuse knows no socio-economic boundaries: women of all races, classes, cultures, language groups and educational groups are abused by their partners

Implications

• denies the usual direction of violence in the home
• denies that battery is part of overall social oppression of women

Facts:

• while some men are abused by their partners, 95% of the time, it is women who are the victims of 'domestic violence'
• women who are violent are most often violent in self-defence
• most men who are killed die in the street at the hands of a stranger; most women who are killed die at home at the hands of their partner

Implications:

• attempts to excuse abuse on grounds of gender stereotypes (eg "Men are always violent")
• assumes the abuser is unable to control his own behaviour
• denies the gender aspect of violence against women

Facts:

• most abusers are only violent towards their partners and control their aggression outside the home, at work and with their friends
• many abusers create a positive image outside the home and are respected community members

Implications:

• denies the impact of other forms of abuse

Facts:

• emotional, sexual and financial abuse are also very damaging
• many women report that damage to their self-esteem takes longer to heal than their physical injuries

Implications:

• assumes that same-sex partnerships are always partnerships between equals
• silences lesbians and gays who are being abused

Facts:

• although gender is the most common power difference that is abused in relationships, other power differences (money, age, education) can form the basis for abuse in a same-sex partnership
• lesbians and gay men are sometimes abused

Implications:

• blames the victim
• causes her to give up hope
• keeps her in the abusive relationship

Facts:

• many women have successfully left abusive relationships and established warm, loving relationships with partners who care for them

For more information or assistance, contact POWA:

People Opposing Women Abuse

We offer telephonic, face-to-face and correspondence counselling to abused women, and their family and friends. We also offer training, education and information about battery and other forms of violence against women. Services are offered in clients' home languages whenever possible.

Phone: (011) 642-4345 FAX: (011) 484-3195

Mail: POWA, PO Box 93416, Yeoville 2143

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